One among the fence

Adventure! Sort of. So, after seeing bewitched with the sisters (the distraction by which significantly elevated my mood, unless what did it was crying like a baby during the trailer for RENT), I came home to find that my worst fears had been realized: The water I got in my ear during my shower this morning wasn't gone yet! But that's not the kicker. After some probing with a q-tip, I discovered the reason. Just as I had suspected would happen last night, I had gotten tiny bits of tissue paper shoved deep into my right ear! Whee! I knew I should have stuck to using single larger pieces rather than adding tiny bits as I needed them. I swelled them up with water, encouraged their mobility with rubbing alcohol, and then (don't tell my parents) fished them out bit by bit with a pair of tweezers. Heh, heh. So much for smaller than your elbow. It was quite fun, though.

Tonight is Milque and Cookies, and I am so, so sad to be missing it. It's the reason I'm a 'Tau, after all... (although my waistline sure doesn't regret my absence)


[Before I started to forget why I felt so upset earlier today--I was crying and blasting Coheed really, really loud to make my dad feel bad for pushing me over the edge--I was driving my sisters to the theater and came up with the idea that I wanted to write this:

My heart feels very, very heavy. It's almost like junior fall when I was getting sick every day thinking about Ian and Ilya and the problems that were haunting me there and I had to write to them and apologize and hope that in doing so I could lift some of the burden. Now it's not only emotionally, though. I realize that any time I've been home in the past three years I've had at least one major project to take care of, whether that's my dad's site, my dad's video, my aunt's resume DVD, my Japan LSA DVD, etcetera whatever. Add that to all the personal projects I take on when I'm home, and you've got Misa the frantic stressball. I feel like I haven't been able to sit back and think, "what will I decide to do for fun today?" in a long, long time. It's always been "I'd *like* to do ____, but I really have to be doing ____." I know that's life, just a series of things that need to be done, and it's up to us to set our priorities straight and allow ourselves "me" time where we can temporarily forget about all our obligations and assignments, but I haven't really figured that out yet. I still end up following the path of "making everyone else happy is priority #1, so I'd better get this stuff done stat," and then being miserable myself.

I feel like I need to unload this heavy burden, even if that just means temporarily shelving it before coming back with (hopefully) a clear head and a new perspective. It's not just one thing, it's everything, and nothing's doing what it's supposed to do, so I feel like I'm wading through slow-moving quicksand and can't see where the quicksand ends and the solid ground begins ahead of me, if it even does. The problem is that these burdens can't be shelved, really--it's more complicated than this. However, my approach to them can change, and going to Morocco will provide that opportunity, I believe. I'm not bringing my computer, and while I intend to write while I'm there, I'm going to try to keep my connectivity to a minimum. (I'm sure I'll have the opportunity to get online, especially in Paris, I'm just not going to be attached at the wrists.) Maybe if I go there and allow myself to put all my fears and worries aside and not think about what needs to be fixed on the website or my upcoming job search, just for those two weeks, I'll get that breath of fresh air I've been waiting for, and it'll help me when I come back. Just maybe.]